When Cancer has its own Agenda

Here I am, traveling my road, my journey, living out my dreams, living on my own agenda, with the Lord that is!  When the tires came to a screeching halt, the cat scan, I had in June came back abnormal. When cancer has its own agenda.

Yep, cancer has returned again. This makes round number 4 for chemo but 5 diagnosis’s of cancer, since I had a mass removed that didn’t result in chemo a few years ago. When the doctors were silent for much longer than normal on my past cat scan, my family kept prodding me to call, but something deep in my gut, knew, I just knew.  After the rough winter with tons of sickness for me, stomach pain, lymph nodes that would swell and have me running to the doctor thinking I had strep. Plus a deep, deep hip pain, I knew something was off.

With my daughter off to Germany in June and me missing her like crazy, this diagnosis has yet to date been the hardest for me for some reason.  I am not sure if it’s because I so badly want to be healed.  Or maybe I was missing my girl so badly? Depression, yep, most don’t admit it, but I had become very depressed.  But I never lost faith, please hear that I kn0w the Lord loves me but I was grieving for so many reasons.  There is no way to describe the way you feel when you hear the words, no matter how many times I have heard them.

we wait…

Most days I cried, some people began sending me personal messages be it through text or FB messenger wondering why I never shouted from the rooftops the scans were clear.

We were silent, we waited for our sweet girl to return from Germany before we chose to share.  We waited with that big secret two weeks, it was the hardest and loneliest time.

We choose to wait to share, our family and friends needed to hear from us first. Not because we didn’t want everyone to know, we just needed to do things in order this time, being a business owner has its own separate challenge.  Plus the answers, we didn’t have them, we knew people would ask, they want details.  We have traveled this road before until we had more, we chose to wait.  When cancer has its own agenda, it doesn’t care that you’re a mom, a wife, that you have a full-time job and you’re a wedding photographer with brides depending on you.  The hardest part of being a business owner was calling my September Brides and telling them the news.  BUT they have been the best! I am blessed.

A big shout out to Katelyn James, a phenomenal photographer I follow, that I love and adore, for answering my emails on how to approach the business side of things. She had shared openly her journey of losing her sweet James amidst a busy wedding season, find that blog here. I am always thankful for those who share, that is why I hope sharing my journey will touch and help someone along the way.

The Diagnosis

It has been a LONG two months, I will say that. Cat scans, PET scans (1st time for this one), MRI’s (which I do NOT like), multiple x-rays, and bloodwork.  I feel like I have gone from appointment to appointment to appointment lately.  When one is done, it’s waiting for the results of said appointments.  But I chose to get a second opinion at the James Cancer Center, Jeremy and I went to see a Lymphoma Specialist there. He spent an hour and a half, explaining in depth many things to us.

Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma is back, but not just in the lymph nodes this time. It came back in bones and tissue. My right hip is covered in cancer, which leaves me in quite a bit of pain, I rest it lots. The PET scan showed 3 pretty big “hot” spots, the hip, my pelvic bone and a spot by my adrenal gland.  The tissue all around my voicebox and throat are covered in cancer, which explains my throat always hurting.

The plan is a biopsy to make sure the cancer is unchanged, due to the amount in a small amount of time the specialist is questioning things, so I am off for a biopsy today. The prayer is no change in the type of cancer I have.  Radiation on the hip which is new for me, I have never had radiation.  Chemo and then a stem cell transplant.  In all things God is good, I know he has a plan.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

Picking up and moving on

So here we are, we have picked up the pieces and we are moving on.  There are still many, days that I cry, the tears come hot and fast without notice. Each day I get stronger. I love the Lord, he loves me, he is faithful and he has not forgotten me, I know this.  I choose faith, joy, and TRUST! If you see me, I most likely will be sporting some of my favorite gifts from friends that inspire me daily. My faith, be brave, never lose hope or my cross bracelet.

My family is the best and I have the most supportive team standing behind me (US).

One morning sitting at the computer editing, I believe the Lord had a certain song be the first I heard one particular morning. If you would like to check out my favorite song right now that has got me through this journey, stop here, Mosaic-Tremble. 

 

 

Check out my blog where I shared some photos from round 3 chemo. My fellow photographer friend Megan, came to capture the end of that journey. 

  1. Tanya Chupp

    August 23rd, 2018 at 9:52 am

    I love you….. you are by far one of the strongest people I know. Your faith is unshakable and the love you have for the Lord and your family is breathtaking to experience along side you. You are not alone in this journey friend. Blessings to you on this road.

  2. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 10:39 pm

    Tanya,
    I love you too! I don’t know about being strong, it’s the Lord in me, I guess.I think you are one of the strongest I know! The Lord knew what he was doing, placing us together! I am thankful that you are here to do life with! Thank you for being a friend!
    Love ya girl!
    Jamie

  3. Barb Graham

    August 23rd, 2018 at 10:45 am

    Jamie I am so sorry you have to go thru this again. I will be keeping you in my prayers, my young friend. Please put me on your helper list. I am still working but will be glad to help in any way I can. phone #330 347 3751

  4. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 11:41 am

    Barb, that means so much! Thank you!

  5. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 10:40 pm

    Ah Barb,
    Thank you soo very much! Keep us in your prayers, for the Lords perfect timing, wisdom and knowledge.
    Love you lady!

    Jamie

  6. Gail Garrod

    August 23rd, 2018 at 10:56 am

    Thank you for sharing your journey Jamie. I’m thinking of you and pray daily. Love you friend… Gail

  7. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 11:41 am

    I love you to Gail! I cherish our friendship and times we can spend together!

    Jamie

  8. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    Gail,

    You all bring such joy to our family! Thank you for walking this journey with us.

    Love ya,
    Jamie

  9. Sue Stahl

    August 23rd, 2018 at 11:45 am

    Jamie
    You are so in my thoughts. If there is anyway I can help out,transportation, housework,anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.

  10. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 11:40 am

    Sue, that is so sweet! I will remember if I need anything, I will ask!

    Jamie

  11. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    Sue, You are to sweet!
    Thank you and I will remember that!

    Jamie

  12. Christine

    August 23rd, 2018 at 12:17 pm

    Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers! Sending you all the positive energy the universe has to offer! Please know if you ever need a friend or someone to just listen I am here.
    Stay Strong and Fight like a girl! lol
    Cry and rage when needed!
    God will walk with you and carry you on the days you need him too.
    May you continue to find comfort in your loving God and your beautiful family and friends!
    Love and Hugs
    Chrissy Kachline

  13. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 11:40 am

    Girl, I do alll of the above! Plus sleep a LOT! God is good and he is carrying me for sure!

    Jamie

  14. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 10:44 pm

    Girl!!!! You know I am already doing all of that, lol. I have my days of crying and raging, they are getting further and further apart, almost like a distant memory now. But I know the more I face the “unknowns” that, I will cry and rage again, but it’s nothing the Lord and I can’t handle together. The Lord is so good and so faithful. Each day I feel stronger in my spirit, I will fight! Thank you so much for the sweet, sweet message! I depend on the Lord for his comfort, he is good all the time.

    Jamie

  15. Stephanie DeHart

    August 23rd, 2018 at 1:42 pm

    My prayers are with you my friend, we may not see each other or talk but you and your family are always in my thoughts.🙏💖💖🙏

  16. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 11:39 am

    Thank you Stephanie! We do need to catch up soon! It was so nice to see Trey and he is so tall!

  17. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 10:45 pm

    Aw thank you, friend! It was so neat to see Tre all grown up! We must meet up soon!

    Jamie

  18. Regina

    August 23rd, 2018 at 7:40 pm

    I’m sorry Jamie. We will be praying for you and all of your family. You are so strong and radiant with faith. I pray that God blesses you and heals you and that your faith stays strong. You are loved and God must have a special plan for you, as Ge has given you a heavy cross to bear-please know that you aren’t alone. Love to you! Aunt Regina and Uncle Walt❤️

  19. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 11:38 am

    Aw, we love you guys! Thank you so much, we are totally relying on God and his strength right now!

  20. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 10:47 pm

    Aunt Regina and Uncle Walt,

    We just love you guys and miss you! It is time for a visit again soon. I may come across strong, maybe I am, but mostly I feel I am not. It has to be the Lord in me, that’s the only way to get through a journey like this again. I am praying I will know and see that special plan, sooner than later. For now, I pray that I can show others love and compassion through the pain.

    Thanks for your sweet message!
    Love you guys,
    Jamie and family

  21. Adamae Yoder

    August 29th, 2018 at 5:50 pm

    So sorry Jamie you have to go through this, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.lots of hugs❤️

  22. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 11:37 am

    God’s got it! Annnd I sleep a lot, lol! Thank you so much, we can use all the prayers we can get!

  23. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 10:48 pm

    Thank you so much!

  24. Linda Davison

    September 1st, 2018 at 7:21 am

    I know you have heard “I’m so sorry” before.
    I to have had been battling the ugly demon cancer. Follicular Lymphoma Non Hodgkin’s for almost 5 years. I’ve been in remission for 4 yrs now.
    I an only praying that I have the faith in God that your blog shows you have. We never know what the plan is. I guess it’s better to not know.
    My prayers go out to you and all who are in this battle. God go with you, Love LindaDavison

  25. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 11:35 am

    Hi Linda,

    My biggest hope in sharing my personal journey is to show that my faith is what gets me through. Our GOD is a big God and he hears us! Keep your head up, your eyes on the Lord and nourish your soul with some good friendships and a positive support system.

    You will be in my prayers, we got this! I have been battling over a decade now as my doctor from Columbus put it, I will be doing a stem cell transplant this time and it’s scary. But I am trusting the Lord.

    You can email me at http://www.jamielynettephotography@gmail.com, I would love to keep in touch!

    Jamie

  26. jcutshaver

    September 5th, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    Linda we are fighters, we will keep fighting and praying for a cure! Keep up the faith and trust in the Lord’s plan. I have battling a “decade” in my doctor’s words. I had not realized until he said that just how long of a battle it has been. Even cancer free times, cancer is almost always on the mind, the constant scans, the port flushes, the visit to the doctor’s office, where we see the faces of cancer so often. For them and for us, we will continue to fight.

    Linda, I shared my blog so that others can have faith and hope. God is good, he is faithful and he died for us. He made the ultimate sacrifice and no matter what his plan is for me, I have to know that I have to trust him. Somedays are harder than others, but that is when I call a friend, one who has my back, one who knows today I might cry but tomorrow I am waging war on cancer. Find your people, the ones who love you and stand by you! If you trust in the Lord you will have faith my friend. My bracelets serve as a reminder to me to have faith.

    Your words are beautiful and my email is http://www.jamielynettephotography@gmail.com if you would like to keep in touch.

    Jamie

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